you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
