Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
