Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The air was thick with penises
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
