so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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