I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
