So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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