were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
