She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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