Me. At least after what I've been through.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
