I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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