if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
