Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
