You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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