Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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