I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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