I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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