If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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