Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
