so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
