I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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