there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
