whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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