i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
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You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
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Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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