White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
