Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
