OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
