why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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