she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
