Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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