So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
