Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize