my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
