Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
