He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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