Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
