the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
