We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
