I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you mean i was at the winter classic?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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