Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
