Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
