would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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