so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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