I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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