Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
