He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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