I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
