If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
