I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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