if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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