Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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