i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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