Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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