Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You have to summon your inner elephant
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
