you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
