i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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