I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
