I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
