Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
