watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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