You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I could make wine with my vomit
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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