No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
