Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
