Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
