Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
there was a trapeze. enough said
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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