Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
