Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
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I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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