I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
