you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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