Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
