i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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